Kurosagi
5-7-2007, 01:07 AM
Hii there again! this is the 1st and the 2nd Parts of my story
Hope to get critics or comments on my english and the story it self as a story , or anything u think
no more talking.... I'll leave u with the story
Part 1
Yukimura Kyo is a very happy, enthusiastic, energetic boy who lives with his father, mother, and older sister. He was born in Tokyo where he spent his first 5 years and then moved with his family to US for his father’s P.H.D. Since his parents, Dr.Akai and Dr. Yukiko, were busy in their studies, Kyoko, Kyo’s sister, became closer to him than his parents. Kyo and Kyoko have studied in American schools for 5 years and have made a lot of friends until a terrible accident has changed their life especially to Kyo’s life.
It has begun when Kyo’s father told his children that they are going to an ancient garden in the early morning. They thought it is unusual to go so early, yet, they were happy thinking that they are going to meet their best friends there. Actually, Kyo’s father had a friend who was his colleague in the university and also with him in his current PhD’s studies. Peter was his name and he had also two children in the same age as Kyo and Kyoko. When kyo’s family arrived to the garden they found Dr. Peter alone without his children. It was really strange seeing him alone.
- “Good morning Uncle Peter… where is James and Sara?” asked Kyo.
- “Oh! good morning …I’m sorry Kyo but James and Sara aren’t coming, they went with their mother to California”
- “What! James didn’t tell me …what's wrong with him!?… he used to tell me every thing”
- “ Never mind”
After that they were enjoying their time in the garden looking at an ancient building and its columns. It was really huge and full of glory. In the middle of the building and particularly at the centre of a square area there was a beautiful artistic sculpture which has attracted Kyo and his family. They gathered around it and Dr. Peter started talking about it; its history and by who it was made. Moreover, he analysed each part of it so all the attention was on the sculpture. At that very moment Dr. Peter has accomplished his mission.
- “Oh look! The sculpture is moving!!”said Kyo.
- “Yes! It is moving slowly!” said Kyoko.
- “Indeed! Why is that Dr. Peter?……Dr… Pe...ter….huh!!??” said, Kyo’s mother.
- “Peter … what’s wrong…why are you…” said, Kyo’s father.
As they turned to Dr. Peter, he was 5 steps aside from them with sly smile “farewell my friend we’ll not meet again” that was the last words they heard from Dr. Peter before they fall down in a deep dark hole
******************
Part 2
It was very dark surrounding; Kyo couldn’t see anything around him even his hand he couldn’t see it. He started calling his sister, then his father and mother but there was no answer. His heart started pounding quickly; he didn’t know what this feeling was about but all he could do is walking and continuing calling his family. The place was still getting darker and darker until a source of light has appeared so he started running towards it.
The source of light was still too far away, Kyo didn’t know how far it is but still he didn’t give up. As he was running, the ground suddenly has broken so he started falling down, but then there was a huge hand that has captured him. That hand belongs to a very huge strange body which looks more like a giant human. Kyo couldn’t see anything except a frame of shadow of that huge body. Then he heard a voice calling him.
“KYO! KYO~~~~~!! Are you ok?? Please wake up! KYO! ”
When he opened his eyes his sister was the first scene appeared, her face looked so worried and pale. Then he looked at the surrounding, this time it wasn’t dark but a metallic dungeon with passageways. His parents were a little aside from him where they were whispering. Their face looked serious and intense as if there was a serious matter.
- “So…it was a dream after all…” said Kyo.
- “Kyo…are you alright?” said Kyoko.
- “yes …I’m ok but…” he looked at her with eyes full of wonder, and said:
- “Where are we? What is going on? Why did Uncle Peter…”
- “ I don’t know anything either…maybe Mom and Dad know something”
Dr. Akai and his wife were still negotiating and they were making sure not to let Kyo and Kyoko hear them.
- “Yukiko! As I told you …now take the children and go…”
- “How do you expect me to run away and leave you behind!!??”
- “ Don’t worry, at least they won’t kill me since they want the information from me”
- “But they won’t go easy on you! They consider you as a betrayal!!”
- “That’s exactly why you have to run with the children… I’m sure they want to use them with you as way to threat me and as you know I know nothing about the information they want so … it would be better if you ran away with them”
Dr. Yukiko came towards Kyo and Kyoko and told them to follow her with a very strict voice. Her face looked serious and she didn’t give them a chance to answer before she had continued walking in her way. Kyoko followed her mother while Kyo was still wondering, he looked at his father who smiled and leaned his head showing agreement. Kyo was still unsatisfied but he followed his mother, at that time his father was watching them smiling and deep inside him he was saying (I’m sorry ...Since I know nothing about the information they want, it means they’ll kill me anyway... I really don’t know where Dr. Edward went after I had rescued him).
The two children were following their mother without any word. She was walking as if she was familiar with the place; she was also so careful that she didn’t allow Kyo and Kyoko to talk unless it is necessary. But Kyo couldn’t stay silent, he whispered to Kyoko
- “What is that smell? Is it chemicals?”
- “Yes…as you know Mom and Dad are chemists so…”
- “So what?!! You mean this is their work place!!!”
- “I think so…but not sure…anyway this place looks familiar to Mom”
- “Can’t both of you be quite! At this rate they’ll catch our location” said Kyo’s mother.
- “Well if it is about our location they definitely have caught it from the beginning Mom… can’t you see these cameras??!! And who are THEY?!!”said Kyo.
At that moment the look of Dr. Yukiko has changed, she looks now more scared and nervous; her body became hot and sweating. She was thinking why she didn’t pay attention to the surrounding; it is obvious that they will use cameras especially at a place like this. Then she tried to calm herself saying I’ve got to protect my children). Kyoko was looking at her mother “don’t sweat it mom ... it’ll be alright” she said that although she didn’t know what’s going on. “Kyoko! Kyo!” saidDr. Yukiko suddenly, “yes!” both Kyo and Kyoko answered “hold my hand and do not let it go no matter what happen, got it??” “Yes mom”.
This time while they were walking, they tried as much as they can to avoid walking through the range of the cameras. Also they were trying to find any clue that may lead them to an exit, but unfortunately they couldn’t find any, moreover the dungeon was like repeating itself. They didn’t know whether they are moving forward or moving around the same place. “Aren’t there any guide map??!!” Kyo was bellyaching.
“No boy there are no maps here not even one” a throaty voice answered coming from the back. The three has stopped looking behind them to see a blond man with dark brown eyes who was wearing a white lab coat over a dark bluish uniform. He was standing between another two men who looked like bodyguards.
- “Long time no see…Yukiko” he said.
- “Dr. Brain!!”
- “Yes ...how are you Yukiko? I missed you so much”
- “Didn’t they expel you last year!!? What on earth are you doing here!!?”
- “HAHAHAHAHAHA” he laughed “did they really expel me!…I’ve been working here since last year…poor woman…you just don’t know”
- “Wha…what do you mean!!?”
- “ listen to me my dear… you will know nothing unless you cooperate with us”
- “What are you saying!!?? There is no way I’d cooperate with you”
- “Really…” he said while he was getting near Dr. Yukiko.
Dr. Yukiko held her children strongly while she was beginning to move backward, until she felt someone behind her, she looked to find a third bodyguard!
- “So…it seems that you have no choice but to face your fate my dear Yukiko…” said Dr. Brain while Dr. Yukiko was staring at him.
I think this time there are more mistakes or maybe weak sentences ,,,so please let me learn from you
I've started with the 3rd part right now.... ja ^^
Hope to get critics or comments on my english and the story it self as a story , or anything u think
no more talking.... I'll leave u with the story
Part 1
Yukimura Kyo is a very happy, enthusiastic, energetic boy who lives with his father, mother, and older sister. He was born in Tokyo where he spent his first 5 years and then moved with his family to US for his father’s P.H.D. Since his parents, Dr.Akai and Dr. Yukiko, were busy in their studies, Kyoko, Kyo’s sister, became closer to him than his parents. Kyo and Kyoko have studied in American schools for 5 years and have made a lot of friends until a terrible accident has changed their life especially to Kyo’s life.
It has begun when Kyo’s father told his children that they are going to an ancient garden in the early morning. They thought it is unusual to go so early, yet, they were happy thinking that they are going to meet their best friends there. Actually, Kyo’s father had a friend who was his colleague in the university and also with him in his current PhD’s studies. Peter was his name and he had also two children in the same age as Kyo and Kyoko. When kyo’s family arrived to the garden they found Dr. Peter alone without his children. It was really strange seeing him alone.
- “Good morning Uncle Peter… where is James and Sara?” asked Kyo.
- “Oh! good morning …I’m sorry Kyo but James and Sara aren’t coming, they went with their mother to California”
- “What! James didn’t tell me …what's wrong with him!?… he used to tell me every thing”
- “ Never mind”
After that they were enjoying their time in the garden looking at an ancient building and its columns. It was really huge and full of glory. In the middle of the building and particularly at the centre of a square area there was a beautiful artistic sculpture which has attracted Kyo and his family. They gathered around it and Dr. Peter started talking about it; its history and by who it was made. Moreover, he analysed each part of it so all the attention was on the sculpture. At that very moment Dr. Peter has accomplished his mission.
- “Oh look! The sculpture is moving!!”said Kyo.
- “Yes! It is moving slowly!” said Kyoko.
- “Indeed! Why is that Dr. Peter?……Dr… Pe...ter….huh!!??” said, Kyo’s mother.
- “Peter … what’s wrong…why are you…” said, Kyo’s father.
As they turned to Dr. Peter, he was 5 steps aside from them with sly smile “farewell my friend we’ll not meet again” that was the last words they heard from Dr. Peter before they fall down in a deep dark hole
******************
Part 2
It was very dark surrounding; Kyo couldn’t see anything around him even his hand he couldn’t see it. He started calling his sister, then his father and mother but there was no answer. His heart started pounding quickly; he didn’t know what this feeling was about but all he could do is walking and continuing calling his family. The place was still getting darker and darker until a source of light has appeared so he started running towards it.
The source of light was still too far away, Kyo didn’t know how far it is but still he didn’t give up. As he was running, the ground suddenly has broken so he started falling down, but then there was a huge hand that has captured him. That hand belongs to a very huge strange body which looks more like a giant human. Kyo couldn’t see anything except a frame of shadow of that huge body. Then he heard a voice calling him.
“KYO! KYO~~~~~!! Are you ok?? Please wake up! KYO! ”
When he opened his eyes his sister was the first scene appeared, her face looked so worried and pale. Then he looked at the surrounding, this time it wasn’t dark but a metallic dungeon with passageways. His parents were a little aside from him where they were whispering. Their face looked serious and intense as if there was a serious matter.
- “So…it was a dream after all…” said Kyo.
- “Kyo…are you alright?” said Kyoko.
- “yes …I’m ok but…” he looked at her with eyes full of wonder, and said:
- “Where are we? What is going on? Why did Uncle Peter…”
- “ I don’t know anything either…maybe Mom and Dad know something”
Dr. Akai and his wife were still negotiating and they were making sure not to let Kyo and Kyoko hear them.
- “Yukiko! As I told you …now take the children and go…”
- “How do you expect me to run away and leave you behind!!??”
- “ Don’t worry, at least they won’t kill me since they want the information from me”
- “But they won’t go easy on you! They consider you as a betrayal!!”
- “That’s exactly why you have to run with the children… I’m sure they want to use them with you as way to threat me and as you know I know nothing about the information they want so … it would be better if you ran away with them”
Dr. Yukiko came towards Kyo and Kyoko and told them to follow her with a very strict voice. Her face looked serious and she didn’t give them a chance to answer before she had continued walking in her way. Kyoko followed her mother while Kyo was still wondering, he looked at his father who smiled and leaned his head showing agreement. Kyo was still unsatisfied but he followed his mother, at that time his father was watching them smiling and deep inside him he was saying (I’m sorry ...Since I know nothing about the information they want, it means they’ll kill me anyway... I really don’t know where Dr. Edward went after I had rescued him).
The two children were following their mother without any word. She was walking as if she was familiar with the place; she was also so careful that she didn’t allow Kyo and Kyoko to talk unless it is necessary. But Kyo couldn’t stay silent, he whispered to Kyoko
- “What is that smell? Is it chemicals?”
- “Yes…as you know Mom and Dad are chemists so…”
- “So what?!! You mean this is their work place!!!”
- “I think so…but not sure…anyway this place looks familiar to Mom”
- “Can’t both of you be quite! At this rate they’ll catch our location” said Kyo’s mother.
- “Well if it is about our location they definitely have caught it from the beginning Mom… can’t you see these cameras??!! And who are THEY?!!”said Kyo.
At that moment the look of Dr. Yukiko has changed, she looks now more scared and nervous; her body became hot and sweating. She was thinking why she didn’t pay attention to the surrounding; it is obvious that they will use cameras especially at a place like this. Then she tried to calm herself saying I’ve got to protect my children). Kyoko was looking at her mother “don’t sweat it mom ... it’ll be alright” she said that although she didn’t know what’s going on. “Kyoko! Kyo!” saidDr. Yukiko suddenly, “yes!” both Kyo and Kyoko answered “hold my hand and do not let it go no matter what happen, got it??” “Yes mom”.
This time while they were walking, they tried as much as they can to avoid walking through the range of the cameras. Also they were trying to find any clue that may lead them to an exit, but unfortunately they couldn’t find any, moreover the dungeon was like repeating itself. They didn’t know whether they are moving forward or moving around the same place. “Aren’t there any guide map??!!” Kyo was bellyaching.
“No boy there are no maps here not even one” a throaty voice answered coming from the back. The three has stopped looking behind them to see a blond man with dark brown eyes who was wearing a white lab coat over a dark bluish uniform. He was standing between another two men who looked like bodyguards.
- “Long time no see…Yukiko” he said.
- “Dr. Brain!!”
- “Yes ...how are you Yukiko? I missed you so much”
- “Didn’t they expel you last year!!? What on earth are you doing here!!?”
- “HAHAHAHAHAHA” he laughed “did they really expel me!…I’ve been working here since last year…poor woman…you just don’t know”
- “Wha…what do you mean!!?”
- “ listen to me my dear… you will know nothing unless you cooperate with us”
- “What are you saying!!?? There is no way I’d cooperate with you”
- “Really…” he said while he was getting near Dr. Yukiko.
Dr. Yukiko held her children strongly while she was beginning to move backward, until she felt someone behind her, she looked to find a third bodyguard!
- “So…it seems that you have no choice but to face your fate my dear Yukiko…” said Dr. Brain while Dr. Yukiko was staring at him.
I think this time there are more mistakes or maybe weak sentences ,,,so please let me learn from you
I've started with the 3rd part right now.... ja ^^