اقتباس المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة the Assassin مشاهدة المشاركة
this is mine
brb for my comment
Brother., nice and damn good story,
but thing is, you have to expand the story,
like discribe more, visulise things more..
and natter the story with ur touch..
i like the way of the story
u have to mix ur story with sadness and happiness
and u have to mix some lines like tricky things
..in other words, u do something and make us
wondering what will happend next..
so i'm waiting, and i do like the chracters ..
another thing, why don't u put a photo for the ghost
island and discribe it...
so we can get along with u
..
sorry man for this super-sonic reply
pls: avoid spilling anf gramatical mistake ^^"

yes he is right as the wise brother
so, if you add what he said the story would be waaaaw coool
continue ...can't wait ^^