Hi there ^_^
your story is good so far but there's a big room for improvement. First thing you should consider is describing... like trying to describe the place, characters & fighting scenes.. this would make people imagine what you're saying a lot more better. For example, describe the heroine Akaz by saying something like: "she inherited the sharpness of her father's eyes, you can tell that she's clever by looking at her once. She's a short girl which made her climbing skills as a ninja perfect. For some reason she's fascinated with dark colors so you won't see her wearing something in baby pink like other girls, maybe that's because she was indeed different in every angle of her character.". Second, your vocabulary is good but I advise that you read short stories to gain even more words and phrases so that you have more options on how to express your thoughts. Last thing, your grammar is mostly good but you can do better if you read the script out loud you will see that some sentences sound heavy on your ears so you can paraphrase them into something more grammatical and even more interesting if I may say.

Keep up the hard work sis.
Best of luck,
yoyo^star