Farewell My Friend ...story

[Kurosagi]

hii everyone, this is my own story that I wrote last year, actually I haven't finished it yet, but I wanted people here to read it in order to get critics on both my english and the story itself as a story, so please I wish to get some comments, dont hold it just say everything u think ....I've posted just a small part to see if it is worth to post the other one, so it depends on your reaction
special thanks to AIKEN who allowed me to post it

Yukimura Kyo is a very happy, enthusiastic, energetic boy who lives with his father, mother, and older sister. He was born in Tokyo where he spent his first 5 years and then moved with his family to US for his father’s P.H.D. Since his parents, Dr.Akai and Dr. Yukiko, were busy in their studies, Kyoko, Kyo’s sister, became closer to him than his parents. Kyo and Kyoko have studied in American schools for 5 years and have made a lot of friends until a terrible accident has changed their life especially to Kyo’s life.

It has begun when Kyo’s father told his children that they are going to an ancient garden in the early morning. They thought it is unusual to go so early, yet, they were happy thinking that they are going to meet their best friends there. Actually, Kyo’s father had a friend who was his colleague in the university and also with him in his current PhD’s studies. Peter was his name and he had also two children in the same age as Kyo and Kyoko. When kyo’s family arrived to the garden they found Dr. Peter alone without his children. It was really strange seeing him alone.

- “Good morning Uncle Peter… where is James and Sara?” asked Kyo.
- “Oh! good morning …I’m sorry Kyo but James and Sara aren’t coming, they went with their mother to California”
- “What! James didn’t tell me …what's wrong with him!?… he used to tell me every thing”
- “ Never mind”

After that they were enjoying their time in the garden looking at an ancient building and its columns. It was really huge and full of glory. In the middle of the building and particularly at the centre of a square area there was a beautiful artistic sculpture which has attracted Kyo and his family. They gathered around it and Dr. Peter started talking about it; its history and by who it was made. Moreover, he analysed each part of it so all the attention was on the sculpture. At that very moment Dr. Peter has accomplished his mission.

- “Oh look! The sculpture is moving!!”said Kyo.
- “Yes! It is moving slowly!” said Kyoko.
- “Indeed! Why is that Dr. Peter?……Dr… Pe...ter….huh!!??” said, Kyo’s mother.
- “Peter … what’s wrong…why are you…” said, Kyo’s father.

As they turned to Dr. Peter, he was 5 steps aside from them with sly smile “farewell my friend we’ll not meet again” that was the last words they heard from Dr. Peter before they fall down in a deep dark hole

this is a small part as I've mentioned before, so if there is anyone who is intrested I'll post the other part inshallah...jaa

[AIKEN]

WONDERFUL topic...
AMAZING thinkinig...
STYLISH text format...

...I wish I have such writing skills as yours

ma sha'a Allah

...Umm

...I would like to clear somthing up

" PhD refers to " PHilosophy Doctor
and is a scientific degree given to the student
...who studied many fields, not only phiosophy

I can't wait 'till your next chapter
...comes out

^^ I'll try to meet your writing skills someday

...Best wishes
AIKEN

[shooog]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Great !! it is really great!

The story has nice style and interesting theme.

Yukimura Kyo is a very happy, enthusiastic, energetic boy"
"who lives with his father, mother, and older sister

I see, if you divided this sentence in to two sentences, it will be best.

"Choosing names is making fun with thinking"

Waiting to completion

Thanks kurosagi

[فاطمة الزهراء]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Hi my dear sister Kurosagi

wow your story is wonderful and amazing, I like it too much thank you a lot

you've an excellent imagination , pretty good

for the critics I haven't it ^^

I'm looking forward to the continuation and more of your work

thanks again

في أمان الله

[Kurosagi]

Shooog! thank u soo much for ur reply, glad u like it

Yukimura Kyo is a very happy, enthusiastic, energetic boy"
"who lives with his father, mother, and older sister

I see, if you divided this sentence in to two sentences, it will be best

thanx for ur critic,
I agree that there is a better way to write it

"Choosing names is making fun with thinking
Waiting to completion
Thanks kurosagi

arigato I'll post it soon,and I really appreciate every word u said and I thank u for ur reply

[Kurosagi]

Hiiii fatima, my dear sister ^^
wa3alaikom elsalam

wow your story is wonderful and amazing, I like it too much thank you a lot

you've an excellent imagination , pretty good

I'm happy to see ur reply to my topic, I'm the one who should show her gratitude; thanx alot for ur encouragement

for the critics I haven't it ^^

hhhhhhhhhh, I wished to get some but it ok since u dont have

I'm looking forward to the continuation and more of your work

thanks again

في أمان الله

well thank u soo much for ur words, I'll post it soon inshallah, and I'm also looking foraward for ur work.. ja nee

[Kurosagi]

Welcome AIKEN

WONDERFUL topic...
AMAZING thinkinig...
STYLISH text format...


...I wish I have such writing skills as yours


ma sha'a Allah

ummm thank you soo much, ur words are too much for me
I appreciate them all ^^

Umm

...I would like to clear somthing up


" PhD refers to " PHilosophy Doctor
and is a scientific degree given to the student
...who studied many fields, not only phiosophy

thanx for this exeplanation

I can't wait 'till your next chapter
...comes out

^^ I'll try to meet your writing skills someday

inshallah, I hope to receive more comments about the story in the next part,,,,, ja naa